Is Your House Haunted, Or Do You Just Have Kids?

Is Your House Haunted … Or Do You Just Have Kids?
By Randy C. Watts (480) 343-3868


Throughout history there has always been a great deal of curious discussion and intriguing speculation about the supernatural. As a father with four young children who resided in my home, I can testify that these supernatural occurrences were a daily part of my life. Malicious poltergeists would dwell within the confines of our abode, creating a very wide range of havoc. Cryptic crayon messages appeared on the walls, alarm clocks were mysteriously turned off during the night, Pop Tarts vanished from the pantry into thin air, leaving behind the empty cardboard carcass from whence they came.

Allow me to present a few facts that should convince even the greatest of skeptics that these ghostly manifestations are indeed real … especially when your children are at home:


FACT: During the year of 1991 approximately forty-seven socks disappeared from our home. That left us with twenty-three and one half pairs of socks that did not match. This in itself is astonishing, but more unnerving is the fact that when the useless socks were eventually discarded or converted into hand puppets, the missing ones began to reappear … one by one.

FACT: On November 21, 1993 I entered the living room where the children were at play. I was horrified to find that a broom handle had been pushed not only through the wallpaper that my wife had just hung the day before, but that it also protruded through the actual wall itself! My four children, now silenced by my obvious state of shock, simultaneously took on the same look of horror and disbelief that I had just acquired. When questioned about the dangling broom, they all shrugged their shoulders in that “I have no freakin’ clue” fashion, and went about their business.

FACT: After living in our new home for only two weeks, the following items mysteriously levitated themselves and settled upon our roof:

One glow-in-the-dark Frisbee
One non-glow-in-the-dark Frisbee
One gardener’s shovel
One Hawaiian Barbie Doll
One plush Shamu Killer Whale toy recently acquired from Sea World
One recently purchased school jacket (zipper and snaps now rusty)
Four socks (no mates, of course)

Each day new and even more astounding evidence would manifest itself in favoring support of these ghoulish interventions. Drinking glasses toppling at the dinner table, tongue prints on the inside of the car windows, whole rolls of toilet paper leaping into the toilet (usually followed by a set of car keys or an orthodontic retainer), and remote controls disappearing at-will from the face of the earth.

One of the most common occurrences in my household was the “Milk Poltergeist." He or she would float into the house, drink all of the milk, and then leave the empty jug in the refrigerator. I am convinced that this maneuver was performed with the sole purpose of making me believe that there was milk in our home, and that I could pour a bowl of cereal with confidence, only to have my hopes dashed by the discovery of the dank emptiness. This was a no-win situation, however, because the minute I purchased milk, the cereal would surely disappear.

I know that my children would never have gone against my wishes, and one of those wishes they would not have gone against was that food never be taken into the bedrooms. Nevertheless, I constantly found evidence that our feasting spirits had been busy at work. A few of the many clues included potato chips, lollipop wrappers, candy that had obviously been sucked on (nestled sweetly into the nape of the carpet), and last, but not least, the ever-so-common pizza crust lying dejectedly under the headboard.

Another common manifestation that occurred regularly in my home was the “disappearing goodies." Whenever I would buy something a little special to eat, I was confident that each of my ever-so- thoughtful children would respect each other enough to only take one of whatever the treat may have been. This ensured that each member of the family would get their fair share. The problems would arise when one of these mischievous little spooks slipped into the cabinet and finished off the delicacies before everyone had gotten their share, which, by the way, was usually the father or mother, who actually purchased the stuff in the first place!

It is a must to mention the strange phenomenon that plagues the typical child-dwelling home … the ghost that uses the bathroom. There are a few signs to look for that will clue you in that you have been visited by this sheet-covered crook. First, you will notice droplets of tinkle all over the toilet seat. This could not be your little boy’s doing, because he swears that he lifts the seat each and every time. He will remind you, however, that even if he did not lift the seat, he is a good enough aim that he would not miss a target that big! The ghost will also deposit raw sewage into the toilet and leave it there for all to see, just as they sit down on the heretofore mentioned tinkle. Next, you will find that the toilet paper is all gone, but the cardboard roll still remains. Had this been one of your family members, surely they would have replaced the empty roll so the next person would not be left stranded, and quite vulnerable. Another sure sign of the bathroom spirit is the toothpaste drops scattered on the big mirror above the sinks. Living humans of flesh and blood do not spit toothpaste directly in front of them; they actually aim for the sink. And speaking of toothpaste, the bathroom ghost will always take the toothpaste lid completely away from your property and leave it somewhere near the missing remote controls. Lastly, this spirit intruder will take all of the towels in the cabinet, get them damp, and then leave them in a wet heap in the corner of your childrens' rooms.

Many of you may still wear the label of the skeptic, but those of you who have children know better. Step back nonbelievers and heed my word. One day I will find this ghostly intruder, and you can be assured of one thing … he or she will most likely be wearing mismatched socks!